> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://blog.tsd.digital/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# Employing someone 101
- URL: https://blog.tsd.digital/employing-someone-101/
- Published: 2007-02-27T09:22:48.000Z
- Updated: 2007-02-27T09:22:48.000Z
- Author: Tim Gaunt
- Tags: Fun and Games, The Site Doctor, #Import 2025-04-01 05:36

Stacey recently wrote an excellent brief on the pro's and con's of employing someone however this morning when I came to post it online I realised that it was deleted when I formatted the laptop for a system demonstration last week. Luckily however I have a hard copy so I'll have it re-typed and put online ASAP.

In the meantime however I shall reflect with this classic (which I’m looking to implement in [The Site Doctor](http://www.thesitedoctor.co.uk/?ref=blog.tsd.digital)ASAP)…

## Attire

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

## Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. 

## Lunch Break

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy. 

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to g et a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 

## Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

## Restroom Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

## Surgery

As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed to the State Unemployment Offices.